For a while now, there would be occasions when we'd be in the kitchen or putzing around, just generally talking and living together in our way, and R would say, "you know about the 30% rule, right?" And I would usually say that it sounds familiar, you've mentioned it before, but I don't remember. "Tell me again?" And he'd say, no, nevermind, I'll tell you another time, or, "You'll just get mad."
(That last statement can be a really leading one, as you might guess. At least half the time, I want to know! What will make me mad! Which is pretty stupid if you think about it. Occasionally I am smart enough to let it go. Other times, I press.)
Not too long ago, I really did want to know, finally: What is the 30% Rule?
The basic concept is this: if someone makes a statement that is inaccurate or incorrect, but they are not more than 30% wrong, you do not need to correct them. How do you know if it's more than 30%? You use your best judgement. Will there be major consequences if this statement goes uncorrected? If yes, it's probably more than 30% and you should say something. If not, let it go. Otherwise, you will look like a know-it-all, petty jerk. But by not saying anything, you leave the person responsible for their own statements (which they are anyway) and you save yourself from making an unnecessary and grudging contribution to the conversation. Even better, you improve your ability to THINK before you SPEAK. Some people are naturally good at this. Some of us need to work a little harder on engaging the brain matter before the vocal chords. I fall into that latter category. Ahem.
R learned it from the owner/president of his former company, and he says it has really helped him think, listen and contribute more meaningfully in professional scenarios. I've found it has helped me at work, too.
But it was at home that R finally schooled me on the 30% Rule after this exchange: We were making dinner, had something in the oven, and a timer set as a reminder for when it would be done. He checked the timer, which said "4:53", and said, "Wow, only four minutes left." And what do you suppose I said? "Five. Yes, it's almost done."
Now. Not a big deal, you may say. It WAS closer to five than four. But did it matter? Really? Why correct him? Did that missing minute mean dinner would be ruined? That he would never learn to cook? Of course not. But it was a good--if small--example of how correcty I can be. I sort of knew that about myself, but wow, once you start paying attention, you notice it a lot more. Speaking for myself, of course.
I shared the Rule with my parents when they were in town recently. I've noticed for a long time that when they share a story (which they enjoy doing) one or the other or both are constantly chiming in with a correction.
"So we get in their huge SUV--"
"It wasn't HUGE."
"Well, it was pretty big."
Etc. Every few minutes.
Now maybe that's just 40 years of marriage, but I think we can all learn new tricks. So I shared the 30% Rule with them and said they might try it. I hoped pointing out their correcty habit wouldn't make them feel bad, and I also hoped it wouldn't make me seem even MORE correcty and know-it-all-ish. We're pretty open about stuff, so I figured I could go there, and they were fine, even thoughtful about it. I can't wait to see them again and see if they put it into practice.
Are you correcty like me? Or do you find it easy to let things slide?
what about bob?
