believe it or not

Hard to believe it was three years ago today I met my beloved Rooster in a crappy Irish bar. We drank whiskey, argued about perception vs reality, made out on my friend's living room floor. Today, we care for each other so well, with such deep appreciation, that I wonder at how I blundered through other lesser loves. I also marvel at the unexpected places and spaces where wonderful things emerge.

Hard to believe that I could slip and fall down stairs, land on my lower back, and manage to suffer just a bad contusion and not a fracture. After two days of bed rest I am much, much better. But that was scary.

Hard to believe that I will be in Alabama in two days and not get to see A. The trip is just too short and family-intensive, so I will have to head south another time for a dedicated visit. Also, holy shit, rental cars there are CHEAP.

Hard to believe I am this busy with work, while R has none. C'est la vie, no?

April showers

The forecast said rain all day Saturday, but it didn't. Instead it was that misleading dappled overcast sun that lures you into not wearing sunscreen. I just didn't think of it, a bad habit. So my face has a golden glow. It matches the insouciance I am trying to exude. All will be fine. Mantra.

Sister and I took the metro down to the Mall, dove into the river of tourists and swam through the cherry trees. The time with Sister was worth it. Though the pink and white trees are beautiful, they would be far more beautiful without a million people meandering beneath them. It is a sight to see, that 1912 gift from the Japanese. And we all know how Harry Truman said "thank you."

We ordered carry out from Lebanese Taverna and ate too much. Sister and I played cards. Rooster went to bed early but this time I made him take sleeping pills to assuage the insomnia he'd had for a week. He slept, mostly, at last. Sister says I bring out the ESP in her. We finish each other's sentences, even those not spoken aloud. Even our cycles matched up within hours of her arrival.

Sunday morning I put one of the last frozen trays of Sister Schubert's rolls in the oven, made a fruit salad and opened my presents. R drove us to my seamstress's apartment and waited in the car. She is a whiz with measurements. I loved the mock up and we made a few adjustments here and there to the length, the back, the neckline, sleeves. We'll buy the fabric this week. I can't wait to show you my favorite part. I feel my confidence in this bit of risk restored, I won't worry about it. I haven't really.

I am not worrying. I am all I love yous and You betchas. We are swaying in an uncertain wind but it will abate and then we will move forward. Life moves forward besides.

soupçon

Work is busy these days, and these day slip away quickly. God, I can't believe it's January. I've never been a big fan of January. Cold. Baited. Uncomfortably inevitable. But here we are.

January has brought a renewed obsession with food and exercise, which is a welcome compulsion. My pants fit better already! Thankfully the time I'm spending in the gym is all benefit and no cost -- literally. I love that I have a free facility!

The food side of things has been unexpectedly vegan recently, without any conscious effort to make it so. I've been cooking a lot of soups and other vegetable dishes that just end up animal-free. Often the only sin is a rind of parmesan reggiano slipped into the broth -- and if that's wrong I don't want to be right. It adds such a rich silkiness to my italian soups. Delicious! I threw together a minestrone last night that was lovely, but I just know it's going to be much better today. And this time I made a ton of it so there would be leftovers -- a rare thing in our house.

R and I have been having anxiety dreams. Nothing like a wedding registry to make you feel like a real asshole. He dreamt I left him, and he had to deal with boxes and boxes of gifts. Sometimes I think about something happening to him and panic fast and hard. I remember Day telling me she experienced that too. Today he drove me to work, and sitting there beside him in the cold car, in the severe January morning light, I loved him so much it terrified me.