My year in cities

There were a number of milestones in 2008 for me, but for now here's a list of cities I visited in 2008, the only rule being: one or more nights were spent in each. The list is longer than I expected!

1. Amelia Island, FL
2. Harleysville, PA
3. Denver, CO
4. New York, NY
5. Birmingham, AL
6. Albuquerque, NM
7. San Francisco, CA
8. Columbia, SC
9. Rehoboth Beach, DE
10. Rendezvous Bay, Anguilla
11. Hyannis, MA
12. Boston, MA
13. Grapevine, TX
14. Dallas, TX
15. Atlanta, GA
16. Cheshire, CT
17. Penngrove, CA

friday five fotos - x-mas edition

My Brooklyn 99-cent-store tree:

A motley stocking crew:

Once upon a time there were two Jewish boys who demanded they get stockings like all the other kids in the neighborhood. True story.

Not Martha Stewart, but still festive.

Christmas lights make me happy.

The overdue HLC post

I have reincarnated the Hateful Little Corner. The devilishly red little desk that was the setting of so many moments (hours, days, months) of my self-flagellation. The symbol of the shit, booze, drugs, the confusion, fear, pain, the hedonism of days past. That refuge from health and balance and serenity. It has been prettified. Stripped, sanded, painted, relocated to the office on the second floor; the room with good light. It is going into a witness protection program. But I will know. I will always know.



It was the first piece of new furniture I ever bought for myself. Found it at a funky place in L.A., on La Brea. It was $450, but I talked him down to $400. That was in 1999. I knew it was overpriced, but I didn't really care. It was the only thing that wasn't a hand-me-down in my studio apartment in Beechwood Canyon.



I took my time with this project. The inspiration began when I refinished the little cabinet that was part of what K used to call my "chippy yellow" collection. The steps were simple, really, good for a beginner. I sanded it down, painted it a bright glossy white, and add some cute knobs from Anthropologie.



I decided to do the same with the desk. This time I had a little more experience. I spent a day sanding, slowly easing off the red stain, the layers of cigarette smoke, bits of candle wax, crushed pills in the grain. Ink spots, water rings. I primed it, sanded again, running my hands over the surface to be sure it was smooth, knowing I wouldn't be able to hide every imperfection. Nor did I need to.



A week later I finished it off with some thick and hardy coats of white enamel paint. Let them really dry well before starting with the next one. The original matching hutch piece doesn’t work with the new office layout, so I’m using it as a makeshift bookshelf up in my other little nook. It is still red. While I was waiting for the desk to dry, I recovered an ikea desk chair with some boy-friendly Marimekko fabric, a little pattern to contrast the clean white.



There is no room in my life for the HLC that was. Fortunately, most of the time I don’t think about it, don’t remember how to get there. Other times, it is so hard to not go to that place. It beckons me almost obscenely, in a way that makes me want it, need it, like a hard fuck. Other times, it doesn’t even occur to me. It's just a different life now. A life where I use a coaster on the desk, which is just a desk, and no longer a hateful little corner.

ruminating on rugs

I am hunting for a rug for what we call our "sun room," that little room off the dining room and next to the kitchen. The red sofabed and a brown leather club chair will live there, so the room needs a color that will work with both items.

The red sofa is up against another red wall that is a darker and deeper shade. I think pale blue is going to work best and is more interesting than just beige or white. What do you think of any of these? And am I on point with the color choice?


I adore this tufted Thomas Paul rug so very much, but sadly it is out of my price range at around $1400 for an 8'x11'. It also comes in a 8' round version that would look really cool, but that's still a grand.

Another Thomas Paul design called "Flock." It's a dhurrie rug, so it's not plush, more like a coarse blanket. But I like the design and the price is right -- on sale for $650. This is the one I'm really leaning towards.

R tends to go for the more traditional, less graphic stuff, so I'm throwing this Pottery Barn "Maren" option in the mix. It runs about the same as the Flock rug above.

Another Pottery Barn option. This one is the right color family, but it seems a too cutesy for me. It hits our target price point though, at $500.

I'm also thinking of hanging some pretty drapes on either side of the entryway to the room that could be pulled shut to serve as a guest room in a pinch.


Would that be weird? I'm not sure if I should hang them IN the room, just OUTSIDE the room, or WITHIN the doorframe. I'm thinking in the room probably makes the most sense.

I should get paid to do this stuff, man. If the economy weren't in the shitter I'd seriously consider being a personal shopper. I rock the interwebs.

We used to drink on Tuesdays

Back when I was living in Hollywood, Polly and I would get together on Tuesdays after I got off work and go get into some kind of trouble. We didn't actively plan for it to be Tuesdays, and we saw plenty of each other throughout the week, but somehow Tuesdays stood out. Maybe because they were a particular demon and delight: attractive since they came around so quickly, yet deadly, for there was still the rest of the week to suffer through after we'd gone and done whatever it was we did. Often enough it was just a lingering dinner at out favorite Italian place, where we'd flirt with the waiters and have cocktails and delicate salads and huge bowls of spicy pasta and sambuca and cappuccino and whatever dessert they dropped off at our table on the house. Of course then we'd drive home, hands dangling cigarettes out the window, buzzing with food and booze and friendship. There were other escapades too, on Tuesdays, that involved other characters and substances and territory that I won't get into here.

I've been thinking a lot about Polly these days. And those years in L.A.

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I submitted my grad school application, but my desire to get out of DC sort of outweighs my desire to pursue an advanced degree. It outweighs a lot of things, unfortunately.

I feel shitty about that.

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I have been watching that HBO series about vampires. It's a totally soap opera, but I am addicted. And I've developed an unexpected partiality to the name "Sookie."

Go on, say it three times fast, I guarantee you'll be in love, too.

Bright shiny morning

It's gray and damp in Washington this morning, but there is warmth in the air. Fireworks and cheering kept me up a little while last night. Today, the feeling of excitement is undeniable. R and I had coffee together this morning, something we never manage to make time for before work. We sat together, talked about this milestone we never thought we'd see. We watched Obama's acceptance speech on my laptop, and were moved by his words and the spectacle of it all. It feels like a new era, for better and for worse, but hope is truly alive again.

See you in January, loves.

also, hair

I need a haircut. You know how my hair is. Anybody game for a Hair Thursday kind of thing, where you recommend cuts (with supporting photos) and I use your guidance to make a change?

I'm sort of contemplating bangs, but terrified I'll regret it.

OOT

I have been out of touch. Things are busy. Busy for everyone, I know.

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I have written a few blahg entries but not posted them. They felt like they were trying too hard. Well, I WAS trying hard. I try to open the tap on my brain but all I ever get is foam.

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There's a gloom in the air in this town; it mixes strangely with the gorgeous crisp fall weather we're having. Hitchcockian. There are Obama placards in windows and lawns -- like I said, we're a blue town -- but there is also a sort of quiet desperation in the eyes of the citizens. We are teetering on the edge. The rest of the nation...will it screw it all up AGAIN? To be so close and then possibly lose? It is a silent terror. We should be louder, I think, we should be outraged. I read somewhere that the Republicans cornered the market on outrage. The Dems are so tired, then. Their eyes ache from rolling. Their guts ache from disgust. They can hardly move their tongues to talk from the bad taste in their mouth leftover from Shrub.

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They wonder if their houses are losing value. They take Metro and drive less. There are a lot of Smart Cars and Mini Coopers in my neighborhood. Gads of hybrids. And crumpled bags of McDonalds garbage on nearly every block, leftover from zoo tourists. I wonder how much garbage McDonald's is responsible for?

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Don't let these thoughts fool you. I am the least politically minded I have ever been, I think. I am too complacent.

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We talked with our housemate the other night. My brother-in-law. After several talks together and time to think on our own, Rooster and I decided there is no real reason to have D move out right now. A three-income household is a good thing. We take care of each other. God forbid he moves out and someone gets laid off (again). It could happen so easily, I see it all around. It was scary when it happened for us earlier this year -- it would be scarier now. So we will stay put, our little family, for a time. It is a unique experience anyway, a throwback to when families stuck together for stability. I would never have grown to know and love him quite the same if we hadn't shared a home this way. I treasure that.

Also: breaking news!

The Argentine BF sent me an email WHILE I WAS WRITING that last post.

Loco, verdad?!

So.

So I'm married. And it's great so far, almost one month in. It's regular. It's funny -- like haha, we make each other laugh, and also like weird! I'm married?

I was reading A's post and loving on her busy-happy-fulfilled existence that is shored up with the yoga and friends and parties and all sorts of excellent activities. I, it can be acknowledged, have none of those soul-satisfying things in this constipated town. Thankfully, though, my relationship with my husband gives me a great deal of soul satisfaction. That definitely helps make up for the grave lack of other stimuli. And yet, I would appreciate more details about those activities y'all might be engaged in, that are marginally or exponentially fabulous, m'kay? It'd be appreciated. FOR SERIOUS. (Can I get a F5?)

But tonight, I am enjoying a throwback to my NYC singledom, as it were. J had worky obligations, so I stopped in a neighborhood bar for a coupla jamesons and did the crossword and sudoku in the commuter paper, picked up a coupla slices at a surprisingly excellent local pizza spot for dinner, and here I am.

It's not me in a newsboy drunk as a skunk tracing "love" in the newfallen Brooklyn snow...but it still feels decadent.

Cheers girls. Wish you were here. And by here, you know what I mean.

what i'm doing

Working on a brochure, reading boring tier-3 diaries, shopping online for ribbon and placecards, dealing with day five of a cold sore, managing my first real crisis-communications situation, trying to give the intern enough time to switch screens before I fully walk into her cube, trying to find enough work for the intern, clock watching, finally making dinner reservations in SF, looking forward to when I can have caffeine and booze again without screwing up my face, wishing I had worn something else today, drinking ginger peach green tea.

How 'bout you?

GDBD/BD/BD/BD*

god damn bad dreams
Every morning before the alarm goes off, bad dreams, anxiety nightmares. In one I am stranded at my parents house with no car, somehow no phone, and R and everyone else is in SF waiting for me. I cry thinking I've led R to believe he has been abandoned at the altar.

god damn bad day
Then the thumping panic attacks between each snooze button. These are work related, I think. I'm unhappy at the job. I am a big proponent of not staying where you are unhappy, but I am also more afraid of irresponsibility and being jobless. Focusing on grad school again. Dusting off the resume, for the application process, and also just in case. It is so hard to be motivated right now. Though yesterday we had a crisis and while initially it made me feel horrible and ineffectual, I was eventually able to appreciate it as a learning experience, which is why I took this job in the first place. I take deep breaths. I traipse around the interwebs. Too much.

god damn big decision
Trying to select a wedding band has been a pain in my ass. R picked something very simple and plain, which is what I thought I would do too. We ordered two, but then I didn't like mine. I bought this funky looking thing from ebay, and then the post office lost it. And then it turned up again in the building. And it is HIDEOUS. I love it. R hates it, but it wouldn't work for a wedding band anyway, it is huge and bizarre. Back to the drawing board. I am now trying to decide between a way too expensive new ring from a famous maker, or a vintage ring from the 1920s that is only moderately too expensive. I have to decide SOON.

god damn big deal
Not really a big deal but I couldn't come up with anything else. Well, maybe it is, who knows. Yesterday I called LA girlfriend P to catch up, only she didn't answer the phone. College girlfriend S answered the phone, because they were hanging out. Now, S is the only one of my close college girlfriends that I did not invite to the GDBD. Because I have not actually spoken with her in years. The girl is notoriously bad at returning phone calls, emails, etc. So in the difficult exercise of keeping our guest list as small as possible, she came off the list. Now I feel like a huge asshole when she says, so how is DC, are you married yet? Ugh. I make her promise to call me back this week and catch up, wherein I will see if she can come and hope she won't be offended by this stupid fiasco. I genuinely would love for her to be there.

*Update: I emailed to tell her how great it was to talk to her and that I would love for her to come to the wedding and how much of a jerk I am for not making more of an effort to reconnect with her sooner. I feel simultaneously relieved and awful. But mostly just glad to talk to my old friend again, wedding drama be damned.

sneak peek: the dress

It's not done yet, but nearly. Very curvy, very feminine, very retro. I hope I did good.

on the treadmill, II

We are still on the treadmill. Well, I am. I feel it here today, at work. The constant cycling around, sweating to go nowhere.

Killing time.

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At lunch I went to Nine West. It was mobbed, but I steeled myself thinking I could handle it. Picked out three shoes, waited for a salesperson, gave her the shoes and said 7.5 please. She returned in a few minutes with six boxes. Four were not any of the shoes I asked for. None were 7.5. I left. Breathe in, out, in, out.

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OK, no more complaining.

day dream believer

I've been having some cuh-razy dreams lately. The subconscious, she is restless. Lots of dreams about the GDBD being ruined, dreams about being on a perpetually thwarted quest of some kind, and lots of being way up high on ladders or cranes. Odd. The kind of dreams that aren't necessarily bad, per se, but deliver you unto the morning more breathless than rested and set on edge with a crick in your brain. Know what I mean?

Well last night's was slightly different. I know reading about other people's dreams is like watching golf, but bear with me. I dreamt I was at some geeky tech conference of some kind, and of course there was this low-grade sexual buzz in the air, something that I always feel at conferences. I don't know if it's just me, but I always pick up on this weird energy at conferences/meetings. Something about being away from home, out of context, semi-anonymous. Like how chat rooms used to be, before the pedophiles moved in, when it was just random people sitting in their underwear at the computer. Seemingly innocent, and yet...

So right. Point is, I'm at the conference, feeling the buzz. Getting to know this blogger that I sometimes read, who's pretty well-known actually, if only because of his proximity to a much more well known blogger. There's this mad sexual tension between us, and ooh, it's so heady. We're checking out some exhibit together, talking, laughing, and he's standing behind me, real close, and suddenly, I can tell he has an erection! My heart is racing, I can't believe it. And then, he is all embarrassed and apologetic, and hurries off. So cute! So hot!

So my dreams can't deliver much more than an erection these days, fine. Still, it had that away-at-summer-camp thrill, the tingle of temptation, of the unknown being way more exciting than following through would be. (Maybe.)

But wait, here's the best part. I wake up all edgy this morning thinking about this blogger. I just know I have to go to his website, which I haven't visited in ages. I get to the office, go to his blog, scroll down a little, and read his entry from yesterday, in which HE DESCRIBES GETTING A HARD-ON.

Granted, he's referencing memories of high school, but still. How bizarre is that? Is it wrong that I feel we've shared something? That maybe we really did have a rendezvous in the night? I don't know, but I enjoyed it. And I hope he did too.


That is all. Go Lakers.

briefly

The GDBD shoes are a.ma.zing. And also verrry tall. Breaking-in process has commenced.

Rooster got a job. I am so proud of him. And so relieved.

Can you believe this shit going on in the world? Love to one and all.

Friday Five: Polka nots?

A asked me the other day if there were "colors" for the GDBD. Well...not exactly.

For some brides, maybe that's the first thing they do. There are dozens of magazines and books that showcase these gorgeous color palettes and all the elements that coordinate under the umbrella of Tiffany blue or chocolate or coral. I added the wedding blogs to my general time-killing web rotation months ago, and some like indiebride have actually proved very helpful in some planning aspects. But in general I haven't made an "inspiration board" or picked a theme or colors or anything, though I wonder if I should, or if I still will.

I really do appreciate the value of an event that was put together thoughtfully, with personal touches and good degree of grace, I just haven't been the woman for that particular job somehow. Not sure why. Maybe it's because of the challenges of planning things from afar, and not seeing any of our venues yet. Maybe it's just me.

So I don't really have colors. But. I do have a pretty invitation style in mind, and it is modern and fun, and happens to have polka dots on it. I sort of grabbed onto that and now I don't know where I am. Do I go gung-ho for it? Or do I need to put. down. the polka.

I submit for your consideration the following facts:

1. The invitation. Maybe.



2. I liked the idea of wearing some dainty little vintage gloves with my vintage-minded GDBD dress. And bopping around the internets, I came upon these:

Afraid of my own instincts, I did a quick check with A, and she said "10,000 yeses," so I paypal-ed away.

3. The gloves were waiting for me when I returned from my biz trip to Albuquerque. They are way more adorable than they look in that picture, and also way more OFF-white than they look, too. The fabric for my dress (which I haven't seen) is supposedly pretty white. I don't think the gloves will work unless I find the perfect shoes to tie it all together somehow.

4. And then I found these:



Which put me in a polka panic. Is this all going too far?

5. I really need to stop googling.

Girls, I don't know what the dot I'm doing. Help!

GD shoe dreams vol. 1

Clockwise from top left: Dior Karma d'Orsay Pump - 790.00; Manolo Blahnik Open-Toe Mary Jane Pump - 585.00; Miu Miu Patent Double-Strap Mary Jane - 450.00; Manolo Blahnik Sedarby Zebra-Print d'Orsay - 675.00; Prada Crystal-Heeled Metallic Pump - 750.00; Giuseppe Zanotti Knotted Pump - 650.00

Plus extremely honorable mention:
Giuseppe Zanotti Mirror Argento:

believe it or not

Hard to believe it was three years ago today I met my beloved Rooster in a crappy Irish bar. We drank whiskey, argued about perception vs reality, made out on my friend's living room floor. Today, we care for each other so well, with such deep appreciation, that I wonder at how I blundered through other lesser loves. I also marvel at the unexpected places and spaces where wonderful things emerge.

Hard to believe that I could slip and fall down stairs, land on my lower back, and manage to suffer just a bad contusion and not a fracture. After two days of bed rest I am much, much better. But that was scary.

Hard to believe that I will be in Alabama in two days and not get to see A. The trip is just too short and family-intensive, so I will have to head south another time for a dedicated visit. Also, holy shit, rental cars there are CHEAP.

Hard to believe I am this busy with work, while R has none. C'est la vie, no?

April showers

The forecast said rain all day Saturday, but it didn't. Instead it was that misleading dappled overcast sun that lures you into not wearing sunscreen. I just didn't think of it, a bad habit. So my face has a golden glow. It matches the insouciance I am trying to exude. All will be fine. Mantra.

Sister and I took the metro down to the Mall, dove into the river of tourists and swam through the cherry trees. The time with Sister was worth it. Though the pink and white trees are beautiful, they would be far more beautiful without a million people meandering beneath them. It is a sight to see, that 1912 gift from the Japanese. And we all know how Harry Truman said "thank you."

We ordered carry out from Lebanese Taverna and ate too much. Sister and I played cards. Rooster went to bed early but this time I made him take sleeping pills to assuage the insomnia he'd had for a week. He slept, mostly, at last. Sister says I bring out the ESP in her. We finish each other's sentences, even those not spoken aloud. Even our cycles matched up within hours of her arrival.

Sunday morning I put one of the last frozen trays of Sister Schubert's rolls in the oven, made a fruit salad and opened my presents. R drove us to my seamstress's apartment and waited in the car. She is a whiz with measurements. I loved the mock up and we made a few adjustments here and there to the length, the back, the neckline, sleeves. We'll buy the fabric this week. I can't wait to show you my favorite part. I feel my confidence in this bit of risk restored, I won't worry about it. I haven't really.

I am not worrying. I am all I love yous and You betchas. We are swaying in an uncertain wind but it will abate and then we will move forward. Life moves forward besides.